The Drunk Guy Outside

911 Operator: 911, please state the nature of the emergency.
Us: Yes, um there is a drunk college guy outside looking in our window.

Well we didn’t know it was a random dunk college student at the time and really it is slight speculation after the fact. Here is what happened.

Last night my wife and I were just getting ready to go to sleep when we heard some noise outside. From our second floor bedroom window, I could see someone hunched over in the neighbor’s driveway and we both heard glass breaking. I decided to head downstairs to get a better view of what was going on. As I was coming down the stairs, I heard more noise along the side of the house. As I approached back of the house, I saw both the motion sensing floodlights trip and light up the backyard as this guy walked from right to left. I peeked out and found him right up by my office window on the far side of the house. I quickly went into the office and kept the light off. Throwing back the blinds I yelled at him to get out of there and rapped on the glass. It was here that I thought this guy wasn’t at all “with it.” As I yelled at him he hardly registered that he had noticed, just sort of stood there with a listless look about him. He began to walk away and by the time I moved to a better window to look out, I had lost sight of him.

By this point my wife was on the phone with 911 giving the report. A short time later, I see a police car scouting around the neighborhood within about a two block radius. When the officer arrived, I went out and told him what I had seen. We first walked over the the neighbor’s driveway where I had first spotted him. There we found the broken bottom of a beer bottle and a receipt. Said receipt amounted to $10.65 for a bag of snack mix, a sixer of Southpaw Light beer and a pack of Marlboro Lights. I guess he was looking to get healthy, what with all the light products. As the officer and I walked back to where he jumped the fence into our backyard, we found the discarded sixer. It appeared the bag ripped going over the chain link fence. Spoils lost. My wife recalls hearing the fence commotion, the crash and an audible “uggghhh” from said consumer. We then walked to the other side of the house where I had encountered him through the office window looking a bit lost.

Here is what we think happened. Our house used to be a duplex, as such the outside stairs that used to lead to the upstairs apartment are right off my office window. Our neighborhood hosts a lot of students who attend the local University. That being said, there are occasional parties on the block at various existing rental properties. Now, a few houses down lives “Woooo guy” in the upstairs apartment of a similarly configured house. We call him “Woooo guy” because he likes to yell out his namesake at the occasional odd hour of the night. All we can figure is this poor drunk sap was a friend of “Woooo guy,” went on a beer run and ended up at the wrong house. It could be he figured out it wasn’t “Woooo guy’s” stairs when he got around to them. That and the fact that I was yelling at him.

I do hope the guy had enough wits to get out of the 20 degree Fahrenheit weather and into some house where he belonged. Sorry about the beer but it wasn’t good enough to keep. I tossed it out with the garbage.

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4 Responses to “The Drunk Guy Outside”

  1. Skrocki Says:

    LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am a bit disappointed that you didn’t snap a picture for the blog, tho’.

  2. matthew Says:

    I thought of that after that fact. At the time though I was in a bit of stressful state. It only got funny after finding the beer. 🙂

  3. rama Says:

    dang. Why didn’t I come up with the name Southpaw for my home brewery??

  4. matthew Says:

    That’s the stuff!

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